By Whatever Beans Necessary
by Princess Angel Rose
Summary: Coffee Shop AU: When Carlton decides to do something nice for Juliet for Christmas, he tries to set her up with a nice guy. Who knew being nice would be so hard?


December 18th.

As her boss and, yeah, okay, best friend, Carlton knew that Juliet liked to talk to everyone, but if she didn't get her ass behind the counter and help him fill this damn coffee order, he was going to fire her.

For real this time.

"Juliet!"

"What do you need?"

He whipped around and there she was, standing at his side. He hadn't even seen her walk up.

"I need a black eye, a black tie, and a libbylou."

"And a what?"  
"A li—" He stopped and raised an eyebrow. "Very funny."

She feigned shock and shook her head, her ponytail flipping from one shoulder to the other. "I was just asking for clarification."

Carlton sighed. "A libbylou."

Juliet smiled, her teeth glistening within her cotton candy pink lips. "I'll get right on that." She stood in front of the expresso machine and began to prepare the half and half to steam. Over her shoulder, she said, "Hey, do you want me to come in on Wednesday?"

Carlton blinked. "Wednesday is the 23rd."

"Yeah."

"The day you call Christmas Eve Eve."

"Yeah…"

"Won't your family be here by then?"

"Mom's got a cold or something. She can't travel."

"Oh. So you're going to be alone for Christmas."

Juliet shrugged and passed him a drink. "Here's the Eye. Libbylou's on its way. Tie will be a few minutes."

He set the drink on the counter and called the order out, turning back to watch her. He was a hard man to live with and she'd been doing it for five years. And now she was going to be alone on her favorite day of the year.

Suddenly, the tazer and the apron with their shop's logo ("By Whatever Beans Necessary," it said inside a coffee mug) didn't seem like enough of a Christmas gift. He wanted to do something really nice for her over the holiday.

If only he could think of something.

December 19th.

As the bell rang and the door shut behind him, Juliet looked up from the counter.

"Everything all right? I haven't beaten you to work in five years."

"I'm fine."

"Did you sleep at all last night?"

He used his wrist to press against the ache in his forehead. "Co—" he started, but Juliet had already approached him with a mug in each hand. One, the handle shaped like a gun grip, she held up to him.

"Three creams, four sugars."

He took it, but he watched her sideways for a moment. "How are you so…perky?"

She held hers up. "This is my third. Cheers." She tapped her mug against his and took a gulp, walking back behind the counter. He took a swig and felt better as the warmth of it spread through his chest.

Despite being far more awake than he was (he had in fact been up half the night, trying to think of something nice he could do for her—who knew it would be so hard?), she didn't talk to him again until they opened, and again he was grateful for how well she knew him.

"So…" he started after the first customers had been served. "Who were you talking to yesterday?"

He hadn't actually seen her talking to anyone, but he was certain there was somebody. Sure enough, her face lit up as she smiled. "His name is Shawn. He's home visiting his dad for the holidays, but he's lived all over the world. He spent a summer at a winery in Argentina and a few months giving scuba lessons in Molokai."

"Sounds like a flake," he mumbled. Juliet tilted her head to the side and narrowed her eyes at him.

"He's really funny," she told him. "And cute too. I'm hoping he comes back."

"What, so you can flirt with him some more?"

"I wasn't _flirting._ You know, you could stand to be friendlier, Carlton."

"People don't come here for friendly, they come for the best damn coffee in Santa Barbara."

She shrugged. "I'm just saying: it wouldn't kill you to be nicer."

He blinked and turned to watch her. "So, this Shawn…he's…nice?"

"Yes," she declared, a grin on her face. "Very."

And Carlton knew what he had to do.

December 20th.

Juliet liked to take Sundays off, so Carlton was stuck with Buzz that day. Nice guy, but not the brightest bulb in the chandelier.

"Boss, I've got an order here asking for an Americano made by the 'enigma wrapped in a little blonde riddle.'"

"Give me that," he said, snatching the receipt from his hand. "Why'd you put that part in?"

"I just thought…"

"Forget it. Do you know how Juliet makes an Americano?"

Buzz shrugged. Carlton rolled his eyes, but when he glanced down he saw that the order was for Shawn.

You take care of the rest. I've got this one."

"Okay Boss."

He tried to remember if he had ever seen Juliet make an Americano, but nothing came to him. Finally, he just made it his usual way and took it to the dining area. He glanced around for anyone who looked like her type. He finally found a buff meathead in running clothes sitting in one of the armchairs.

"Are you Shawn?"

The guy shook his head.

"Is that my Americano?"

Carlton turned around. Sitting at a table covered in papers was a skinny, short guy with spiked brown hair.

"Shawn?"

"Yeah."

" _The_ Shawn? Worked in a winery, taught scuba diving?"

"Yeah. Did Jules tell you about me? That's sweet."

"Yes," Carlton said slowly. He cleared his throat and took a step forward. "She's off today, but she wanted your next coffee to be on her." As he spoke, he sat the cup on the table. Shawn took a sip and sighed, setting it back down.

"Don't get me wrong: it's still good. Just not quite the same."

Carlton clenched his fist and opened his mouth to yell at him, but Shawn was already talking again, crossing his arms and leaning into the table.

"And what's your specialty, Mr. Salt-and-Pepper?"

Carlton gaped. Finally, he said, "I'm a talented sharpshooter, I know the true history of Christmas top to bottom, and I make the best damn café miel west of New York."

Shawn nodded. "Get me one of those then."

Carlton nodded and turned to walk to the counter, but paused when he heard Shawn.

"Hang on. What's your name?"

"Carlton," he answered. "I'm Carlton."

The guy smiled, and Carlton felt the same way he did when Chuck Norris stepped onstage at the NRA convention.

This being nice thing was harder than it looked.

December 21st.

Juliet was back the next day, and Carlton had a plan. Of course, the plan relied on specific factors at specific times in specific places, but he was sure he could manage.

First, he made sure no one sat where Shawn had the day before. Then he made sure all the other tables were taken or dirty when he saw Shawn through the window. That way, he had to sit in that table by the counter. Once he was seated, Carlton waited until his head was turned and tossed an ice cube under the table.

When he stood up, Juliet was watching him.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing," he said, shrugging. "What have you got?"

"Somebody wants a café miel. I didn't know anybody else knew what that was."

Carlton blinked. "Shawn wants a café miel? Does he know you're here?"

"I took the order. So you've met him? He seemed really excited about this drink."

"Yeah. I'll make it."

"Great."

When he finished the drink, he sat it on the counter and turned back to her. "You take it to him."

She blinked. "Why would I do that?"

Before he could think of something clever to say (which, let's face it, was probably going to be "Because I said so"), there was a scream and they both turned to see Buzz on the floor.

"I slipped."

Shawn stood over him, applauding. "Way to stick the landing, Buzz."

"Gosh, I got that coffee all over you. Are you okay?"

"No biggie. Somebody might want to take care of that ice, though. Wouldn't want another accident on our hands."

Carlton sighed. Operation Meet-Cute was a bust.

December 22nd.

"Carlton, have you seen Buzz?"

"No," he said, looking up from the register. "Is he late again?"

"To be fair, last time he was late because he was helping a lost puppy find his way home."

"What a sap," Carlton mumbled. Juliet glared at him until he cleared his throat. "Where is he now?"

Juliet pointed to the back room. Carlton leaned in to see inside. Buzz stood, scratching his head…and his arm and his neck. Red splotches spread over every visible patch of skin.

"What the hell?"

"Hey Boss. I don't know what happened."

Juliet shook her head and did a double-take as she glanced above the door. "Is that…"

The door opened, and Shawn stopped directly under the plant. He reached up with a single finger as Juliet reached over the cabinet.

"Don't touch that!"

"Don't be a slow-drip coffee with a shot of expresso. It's fine."

"It's poison oak."

Carlton blinked. "It's mistletoe."

Juliet grabbed a napkin from the counter and crossed the dining area. She examined the leaves for a moment before tilting her head and facing Carlton. "This is poison oak with white beads glued to it."

"You've got to be kidding…I paid good money for that!"

"Weren't you a boy scout?"

"All right," he said as Shawn snickered. "Just get rid of it. Buzz, go home."

"And don't scratch!" Juliet added. As she dealt with the plant, Shawn made his way to the counter.

"Anybody could've made that mistake."

Carlton rolled his eyes. "What do you want?"

"Service with a smile. I like that. Get me that café meow you're so good at."

"…you mean miel?"

"I"ve heard it both ways."

Carlton rung up the order and turned to make it, but Shawn leaned against the counter and didn't go anywhere.

"Don't you ever laugh?"

"Who said you were funny?"

"On the one hand, I'm hurt. On the other, I'm just so glad to find you actually have a sense of humor."

"I'm working."

"Fine, I'll come back later. But it's Christmas Eve Eve. You should lighten up."

"Actually, tomorrow is Christmas Eve Eve. Today's just the 22nd."

"Well I'm learning so much, but my homework was never quite like this."

"What are you talking about?"

Shawn shrugged, but he was smirking. Carlton set the cup of coffee in front of him, but waved off the cash he held out.

"Merry Christmas," he told him.

"Thanks man. You too."

Carlton sighed. Now what was he going to do for Juliet?

December 23rd.

When Juliet came in the next day, Carlton was sitting at the corner table, sipping a cup of coffee. She paused halfway through taking her coat off.

"Aren't I late?"

Carlton glanced at his watch. "It's 6:40."

"So I'm late. Why are all the lights off?"

"We're closed."

"Closed?" She slid into the seat across from him. "Carlton, what's going on?"

He shrugged. "I just figured, with Buzz home sick and you leaving, I should just close down a day early."

Juliet blinked. "I'm not leaving."

"Yeah, you are."

She raised an eyebrow as he slid the envelope towards her. Slowly, she opened the flap and pulled out the slip of paper. She laughed even as her eyes teared up.

"Are you serious? This is too much! I can't—"

"You can," he said firmly. "This is the nice thing I should've done for you a week ago. You deserve to see your family for Christmas."

"This is just the sweetest thing…" She took a deep breath and nodded towards him. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said, standing up. As she followed suit, he added, "But there are going to be some changes around here."

She furrowed her brow, dropping her chin. "Changes?"

"To be honest, Juliet, when you came on five years ago, I didn't think you'd last the month. It's a fast-paced environment, and…I'm not an easy man to work with."

"Carlton…"

He waved her off. "I'm just saying. You have done so much better than I expected, and you have come to _mean_ so much more to me than I ever could have imagined. I already think of you as a partner. After the new year starts, I'm going to draw up the paperwork to make it official."

She gasped. "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely," he said, smiling. The bell rang as the door opened and he barked, "We're closed," before he got a good look at who it was. Standing in the door was Shawn, complete with Santa hat. Juliet smiled.

"Well I have to go pack."

"But…"

She crooked her finger in a "come here" motion, and they both leaned forward. She whispered. "Want to know the first thing he asked when I met him? 'Who's the fine human being with the strong Irish hairline, and is he single?'"

She winked and slid into her coat. "Merry Christmas Shawn. Merry Christmas Carlton."

He smiled. "Merry Christmas partner."

The bell jingled again, leaving the two men alone as Juliet walked into the sunrise.


End file.
